The Benefits of the Benefit of Doubt

If jumping to conclusions burned calories, I would be in the best shape of my life. I do it all the time. I’m willing to bet some of you have also struggled with that. We make assumptions and jump to conclusions about other people. If someone wrongs us in any way, shape, or form, we think all the thoughts about them, their motivations, their upbringing, their intelligence, you name it. And these thoughts we’re thinking are not good ones; they almost always paint a terrible picture of the target of our disdain and disappointment. No matter the offense, So and So is a no-good S.O.B. because they did XYZ. That’s the formula we follow.

And yet, when we err, we are shocked that we are not given the benefit of the doubt. We are left with mouths agape when we learn that someone who was wronged by us created this horrible narrative about us founded solely on the worst possible interpretations of our actions and thoughts. We are hurt when grace is not extended to us for what was clearly a mistake, oversight, or error that anyone could have made.

You see where I’m going with this, right? So I guess I don’t need to write anymore. 

Maybe I do. Seeing as this happens all the time, and we aren’t really getting better at addressing it, maybe I do need to write more. What if we extend to others the same grace, understanding, patience, tolerance, and/or trust we want them to extend to us? What would that world look like? Maybe instead of employing our creative skills and imagination to jump to negative conclusions and make the worst possible assumptions, we created kind explanations of behavior instead.

Example: 

Your significant other forgot to pick up something you had requested at the store. Instead of going to: “If I were important enough to you, you would have remembered.”

We went to: “They are busy, the store was crowded, it is so easy to get distracted, they have a lot on their mind.”

I’m not saying we should make excuses for bad behavior. I am saying that we should treat others the way we want to be treated. I am saying we would do well to give others the same grace we want for ourselves. Removing that negativity from our heads will help us feel better and help us treat others better. Let’s give it a try.